The tree is up, everyone is dressed, and now it's time to get a photo before the rest of your family arrives. But, your kid is not having it, and instead of the sweet smile you were hoping for, you've got tears. 

To help you overcome the holiday mean mugs, I want to share a few tips to get the holiday party photos you fantasize about. 

*DISCLAIMER: I am not a parent, I just have 10+ years of experience working with families and these are some of the things that have helped me. Also, not all of these will not work on all children - I can send only my jolliest of thoughts your way and a small prayer. 

Tip #1: Get Their Buy-In.

I get it. You're the parent, they're the child. Your big, they're small. (Insert rest of the quote from Matilda). However, if you want a smiling, happy kid, they have to feel like they made the choice to have their photo taken. Just shoving a phone or camera in your kid's face and saying 'SMILE' will not do it for most kids (or people really), and then you'll get that dreaded fake smile that makes your kid look like they're in pain. 

The way to get your child's buy-in is to literally just ask them. Here are some of my favorite ways to do that:

• Kids ages 3+: I'm having so much fun! Let's take some photos really quick, and go play over there!

• Kids ages 6+: You look so great! Do you mind if we take a few photos?

• Kids ages 10+: Hey - you look awesome, what do you think about taking some pictures really quick?

Essentially, give them a compliment and then ask. If they feel good about how they look, they will want to show it off. Reaffirm that they look great, and then give them the opportunity to show off. 

Here's the hard part: if you get a negative response, then you HAVE to respect that. I have only had a handful of kids say no, and the best way to combat that is to redirect it and ask for their help taking photos of decorations or of other people. Usually, FOMO sets in and they come around pretty fast. However; if redirecting doesn't help, then ask them to take some photos of you. I don't recommend doing this with kids that are 4 and under, but handing over your phone and letting them take a few photos of you can show them that it's not scary and it can be fun. After a couple of shots, you say 'Now it's your turn!'. This works for me 9 times out of 10, plus I've gotten some cute photos of myself and it becomes more of a game rather than a task. 

Tip #2: Let Them Choose the Spot and the Pose

Pick two spots and give your child the choice between them. 80% of the time, your child will pick the prettiest thing in the room, so it's likely they will pick the spot you were wanting. 

When looking at spots to take photos, make sure there is light! You will want them facing a window or whatever light source you're using. If the lamp or window is behind them then they can be hard to see and the photo may not turn out how you like it. 

For poses, give them prompts. Start off by saying things like 'Strike a pose!' or 'Give me your best smile!' and once they've done that, ask them to do whatever pose you were thinking. If they have pockets, I like to have kids use them and say 'Oooo - show me your pockets!' (fingers in, thumbs out preferably). Usually, they'll stick their hands in their pockets and it looks natural and friendly. Hands-on hips are also great, or sitting "crisscross applesauce". 

When you have the photo you want, ask them if they want to do a different pose. I always get great, candid photos of kids being themselves this way - their personalities shine because they usually do something natural to them like jumping or dancing. 

Tip #3: Be Patient

Kids are KIDS. But kids still have the same emotions and big feelings that adults do, and not nearly as much experience in dealing with them. Allowing your child the choice to take the photo does not mean that they will still be into it 2 minutes later. 

It's more than likely that you will have to get their buy-in multiple times until you get the photo you like. If you notice your child getting cranky, take a break and try again in 5 minutes.

A break can be super handy if you haven't gotten the photo you want, plus it shows your kid that you care about how they're feeling. 

Tip #4: Be Kind

I cannot stress this enough: do not criticize your child when you take photos of them. Think back to when you were a child and people were taking photos of you. It's scary and can be very uncomfortable - especially if you have more than one adult talking to you. Everyone has heard things like :

• "Ew! Don't make that face!"

• "Don't stand like that!"

• "You're slouching."

Comments like these and others only make people self-conscious. If you want to change something about the photo, approach it from a positive place. Here are some examples redirecting the comments listed above:

• "That face is so silly! Let's smile together and then we can make a super silly face! What do you think?"

• "That looks good, but can we stand like this instead?"

• "I can't see how tall you are, and I know you're pretty tall! Can you stand as tall as you can?"

This way you're confirming that they look great while asking them to make a few adjustments. Again, you'll preserve their attitude, continue to get their buy-in, and get the photo you want!

Tip #5: PLAY

Want a genuine smile from your child? Play with them! Everyone who has ever had a session with me has seen me go full goof. A good fart noise, silly face, or a dance move can make the difference between a mean mug and a big, honest smile. Even the grumpiest of teenagers crack a smile at a bad joke or an attempted TikTok dance. 

Some of my personal favorite things to do with younger kids are:

• Stick my tongue out at them and challenge them to do it too. I usually also blow raspberries/make fart noises.

• Ask them to give me a twirl so I can see their whole outfit

• Play peek-a-boo

• Sing a song they like

Taking photos should be FUN, and if you want to create a space where you can get a real smile from your kid then you have to let go of your own fears of looking silly. If you're not worried about how you look, your child won't either and instead of being stressed out, you're going to enjoy taking the photos and capturing the memories that matter.